Anxious Utopia

by My Gold Mask

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1.
i’ve been told that i can’t feel an emotion i can hide it underneath like an ocean i can lie in the face of your devotion i just hide it underneath this commotion with the door wide open did you see me falling were my knees all dirty and broken can you forgive forgive it all forgive it all again can you forgive forgive at all yet i’ve been told that i can’t feel an emotion i can hide it underneath like an ocean i can lie right through the teeth of devotion i can’t fight what I believe is in motion with my eyes wide open and my fingers closing with my knees all dirty and broken can you forgive forgive it all I know you can’t forget can you forgive forgive at all yet with the door wide open did you see me falling with my knees all dirty and broken can you forgive forgive it all forgive it all again can you forgive forgive at all yet can you forgive forgive it all I know you can’t forget can you forgive forgive at all yet (holding my head up can’t make my mind up tell me the story say something say some) i can hide it underneath all the ocean i can hide it underneath my devotion
2.
Battles 03:43
say the word 
I won’t fall to pieces 
like the world
 slipping in the creases
 you and I could die
 a thousand times
 before the war is hung out 
for its crimes, I… break my hands 
losing battles 
giving up 
the devil I know 
take a chance 
choosing battles 
wake up make mistakes 
falling backwards into 
no embrace
 pressing forward, is it 
over now or over complicated? 
over now and grave break my hands 
losing battles 
giving up 
the devil I know
 take a chance
 choosing battles
 waking up
 the devil I don't destiny calls 
the rest of me is falling 
desperately, you're stalling 
you're stalling, stalling the devil I don't
3.
Connect 03:47
at times i wish that i could disappear in these walls, they're getting nearer fearless words hiding under the tongue travel further in the songs sung little teeth will bite right open all the wounds i keep on sewing up check your mirror, check your phone let's go, I know how to show we're not the same child stand right here and if they keep staring who's caring I don't fear what's keeping them guessing and stressing I know we wanted to connect confess darling I know we want it we want it we want it yeah tiny whispers in the ear they go seeping poison in the shadows scribble patterns into eyes so blind all the crooked roads we unwind skinny needles keep us woven if you feel you're all alone tonight peel the shadows off my lips that shy and try to remind them how to shine (just) stand right here and if they keep staring who's caring I don't fear what's keeping them guessing and stressing I know we wanted to connect confess darling I know we want it we want it we want it yeah
4.
Dangerous 03:55
so anxious to see you
 I drop everything
 you feed on my weakness 
but I don't complain
 push bodies like blankets on top of my sin
 a dance with a devil
 delicately thin dangerous, dangerous
 danger always will find me
 dangerous, the two of us
 when your arms are around me I pull you inside me
 then push you away
 I pull you inside just to
feel this decay
 you call me in darkness 
I scratch at your door
 I've tasted the sickness 
but I want some more dangerous, dangerous
 danger always surrounds me dangerous, the two of us
 when your arms are around me oh oh oh oh 
I've been running around you 
oh oh oh oh 
I'll be running away 
(in danger, in danger) so anxious to see you 
I drop everything
you feed on my weakness
 but I don't complain 
I lick up the poison 
 from inside your tongue
 and hide you forever 
as I come undone
5.
Insomnia 03:25
this is insomnia but i won't miss a beat behind the lock-ed doors are you still fast asleep and when the world slows down kinda feel like i drown my dog curled at my feet but i won't miss a beat oh oh oh oh oh oh this is insomnia some kind of phobia another endless night never a lullaby and even when i share my bed, i sit and stare my screen let's me escape to where we're all awake oh oh oh oh oh oh this is insomnia and i won't miss a beat the night goes on and on i read what you delete they fall off one by one until i'm left alone they fall off one by one until i'm left alone-oh fuck it, your shuteye we don't need no lullaby - no this is insomnia anxious utopia why not go out and play then we could sleep all day
6.
Dissipate 02:57
just let it go and dissipate
 we're fading this love, this love
 a small abuse to illustrate
 we're faking this love
 another death to celebrate
 we're faking this love, this love
 no heaven to anticipate
 no faith in this love toss my heart and hope to hide it
 take these needles off my eyelids 
let it go, let it fade another view to subjugate
 we're fading this love, this love
 we're way too cool to suffocate
 we're faking this love
 too occupied to demonstrate
 we're faking this love, this love
 we gave enough for goodness sake
 no faith in this love, this love toss my heart and hope to hide it
 take these needles off my eyelids
 let it go, let it fade away
 toss my heart and hope to hide it
 take these needles off my eyelids
 you don't know what I saw today 
let it fade away, let it fade away toss my heart and hide it
7.
Explode 03:10
you got me all wrong 
this demon inside 
has always been. it's never been
... something I hide I can't be saved, 
I can't be saved
 when it's coming on strong 
I can't be saved, 
I won't behave so I just let it explode
(I will) 
let it out of control
(I will) 
with my body and soul
(I will)
 I'll just let it explode I fought it too long 
I'm cutting these strings 
marionette, 
my wicked twin
 I'm setting you free I can't be saved, 
I can't be saved 
when it's coming on strong 
I can't be saved
, I won't behave so I just let it explode
(I will)
 Let it out of control
(I will) 
With my body and soul
(I will)
 I'll just let it explode fight the fight with the windows cold 
and all the ashes have blown
 with the mirrors broke 
its just an image that's gone so I just let it explode 
(I will) 
Let it out of control 
(I will)
 With my body and soul
 (I will) 
I'll just let it explode I can't be saved
I can't be saved
8.
gone gone gone gone from my bones break through the glass with your gun on my pulse Gone gone gone gone from my lungs breathe in the water you slip from my tongue ay-ay gone gone gone gone from my bones take every last bit of your poison soul held my breath till you fell low find someone else who can keep you afloat drowning in a life so shallow eating words you could not swallow gave away your last tomorrow no one there left to follow ay-ay gone gone gone gone from my skull sweep up the pieces you let come undone out of your reach i can breathe easy letting you go i can breathe easy letting you go i can breathe easy letting you know i can breathe gone gone gone gone from my bones
9.
if we fall hard so what we'll show our scars so bold spill a drink on the floor getting high do some more what a day such a bore couldn't stay anymore fuck i'm high like before use it up such a bore throw hands up this time hide mountains we climb we can breathe a temporary sigh living free in cautionary lives we don't see with ordinary eyes you and me lead cautionary lives but we might fall so what we'll sow what's ours so what spill a drink on the floor getting high do some more what a day such a bore couldn't stay anymore fuck i'm high like before use it up such a bore just once in awhile we kill with a smile we can breathe a temporary sigh living free in cautionary lives we don't see with ordinary eyes you and me lead cautionary lives we can breathe
10.
pick up the pace try to erase all the fears that choose us playing for keeps i like to leave you with lipstick bruises damn you fought this back forever but at this moment feel much better now push me away cause i want some more push me away i hit the floor begging for more oh but you won't give me brush off the leaves from both my knees but I like them hurting damn you why won't this last forever the pain that I wanted feels like pleasure now push me away cause i want some more push me away cause i want some more push me away cause i want some more damn you I want it damn you want it
11.
hold my hand i'm waiting for you take these words for nothing but truth pain is on the inside you see right through delve into the divide I'm praying for you to leave this world behind and light it in diamond white I embrace you just take this girl invited in diamond white I fade in you light like thunder (open the shutters) there's no other (that I've discovered) just take my hand and fall through in diamond white I fade in you pulse by pulse with nothing around drown these tears in radiant sound pain is on the inside you feel it too luminous and untied i’m begging for you to leave this world behind and light it in diamond white I embrace you just take this girl invited in diamond white I fade in you light like thunder (open the shutters) there's no other (that I've discovered) just take my hand and fall through in diamond white I fade in you
12.
Severed 04:04
this is my heart
 will you remember it's sound I'll do my part
 to keep you here in these arms
 these severed parts
 they can never be found
 when we're apart
 will you remember this sound it's grey here
 it's cold here I do fear
 we're done
 don't leave me in pieces
 your cold shadows fall these severed parts
 we bury deep in the ground this bleeding heart
 you will remember it's sound oh oh tell me you'll stay
 it's grey here

credits

released March 4, 2016

‘ANXIOUS UTOPIA’
All songs written by Armondo, Rochelle
Except ‘Insomnia’ written by Armondo, Rochelle and Andrew

Produced by Sanford Parker and Balthazar de Ley
Except ‘Battles’ and ‘Dangerous’ produced by Balthazar de Ley

Recorded at: The Audio Bordello, Humboldt Amp, Hypercube Recording, Minbal Studios, Rat City Sound and Strobe Recording
Mixed at The Audio Bordello and Hypercube Recording
Mastered by Collin Jordan at The Boiler Room

Design, AU logo and layout: Daniel Tovar
Cover photo: Jason Creps
Creative direction: Jack Armondo

All songs: In A Flash, Panty Drawer ASCAP
©℗ My Gold Mask, 2016

All rights reserved - unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws

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